pitfalls.

you know, i never thought i'd reached that kind of low ever in my life. but when i do, its the unexpected people who reach out to me to help me out. so where did the people i put my hopes on? they're too busy with their own life to even notice that mine was in shambles. and for that, i thank these pitfalls, albeit nearly falling into depression, no kidding, i find that its a great lesson learnt. and i, should keep clear of these people i call 'friends'. for they only look like it but in no way behave like one. so yes. all the best, 'friends'.

can a heart still break once it stops beating?

yeah, amazingly i still like shit today. perhaps i do have to be awfully super occupied and tired so i will stop thinking. about things. you. shit. what could have beens. its been all too much and finances are taking a toll on me. helppppppppppp

itchy.

existentialism. suicidal. everything just falling apart.i just could relate to everything about it. not having someone around for you, albeit being in a house full of people. having people called friends in your life but you know its all on the surface. having things fail so many fucking times, you question is it really worth another try? all i can say is, i've tried. like really really tried. there's really so much i can do to bounce off the wall. to pick up the pieces. broken friendships, broken heart. broken family.broken faith. there's really so much that can fail at the same time. only oh-so much.

do i regret those thoughts. maybe it was stupid, to you it certainly was. but at that point of time, that was the only logical way out. of mental hell. i was out of it. totally. had it not been for the piling assignments and the pressure from school. i'd prolly still be lying around fazed and drowning in self pity. funny how it had to result in that. i truly am a born loser.i'm like tired. like really really tired of life. there's really so much i can take. and i do hope that in time, things will fall into place.

bad things happen to bad people.

I've had the worst twelve months ever. and after tonight I feel really really tired of it all. I just wanna run far far away and never come back. that's possible and I should start working towards it.

every now and then I wonder what I did that caused all of these to happen. im just tired. I don't want any of it anymore. nothing.