301006

When its all too ambiguous, what'd you do?

Lay back and go for a ride?

Or

Analyze every possible meaning of it.

I'll go for the former. Hoping it doesn't end the way it'll always will.

Platonic relationships should exist.

and, what say you when the skies are grey.

when everything seems blurred.

when whatever you do is meaningless.

when even the slightest things don't matter

i'd die.

and, its like its love.

271006

I tell you, if this goes on, I can really die. Its like an eveyday thing. Can people just give me a break. I should just drift away. Then it'll subside. I TOTALLY SHOULD.

Oh wells, meeting up with the baches was heavenly. Eventhough I was late again (as usual). It was funfunfun. But I just don't know why I didn't talk alot. Something I am not aware of must have been on my mind. But I had a nice chat with Shikin in the train till the very long journey didn't seem long.

Its 9. Should I go to Sery's? But I'm all alone. And, its Pasir Ris. At the same time, I don't wanna her to be angry. How now art thou?

271006

I think the system/method sucks big time. I am confused, dazed whatsoever. The hints are not clear enough for me to decipher. The vibes are full of negativity. Everything seems to fall out of place. Now, whats that talk about all fun and laughter after promos. I just get more tired after promos having to listen to the repetition of your names both at home and in school. Life's unfair? Totally.

I really got out of my comfort zone today. Maybe not. But for sure this things are things that I wouldn't have thought of doing three years back or so. I'll definitely think twice, thrice and so on thus changing my mind in the end. I'm glad, the unreasonably irritating part of me is slowly fading out. But I just can't help being skeptical. And thus, I and seriously in denial of things I hear. Maybe I just need plenty of assurance.

And spending nearly 80 in 2 days. Noone can ever beat me to it. I can never handle money. As much as I would love to do that. I need to save. For the rainy days. I MUST! Please someone remind me that life is not a bed of roses. Thus, I shouldn't happily spend it all on movies, starbucks, fooood and more fooooooooood. I need a financial advisor.

Talking about all these worries. I spent the time from Somerset station to Yishun station thinking and stoning. Someone just snap your fingers and bring me back to reality. Its not fun fatasizing away when in the end, life's a bitch. And you know, this can never get any better. I should stop hanging arounf with people who are linked in this mess, so I wouldn't feel so inferior. Well, I know I can't help it, but this year's a no-no. Thank god only a few weeks of school's left. I am glad. Cause bad memories still linger.

cellophane flowers of yellow and green towering over your heads

Its pure love. The 'Baches".

And, looking at this piece of collage put together by Shikin makes me remember the good old days. When we were having so much fun and laughter and bitching. All the love notes and the eating out. I miss them all. I miss everything we do together. And I can't believe that it was PE which made us know each other a little better. And to think I hate doing PE now? Maybe I should start liking PE since it'll bring back the nice memories of MI and the baches.

And I can't believe I'm doing something about it. I initiated. Okay, maybe not, since I really needed to do that. Anyway, my sister's getting a little weird. Asking stupid and very obvious questions. Saying that she wouldn't know what to say if I really liked him. Since his malay is pathethic and all. I see no link between malay and all this. And, I don't like him.

i think.

I'm ridiculously unlucky today.
No cake flour when i feel like baking a cake.
No dream icecream when thats the only thing i can afford.
and stangers keep on talking to me.

OH NO!

Finally, I'm done with the bloody promos. So I'm no longer so pms-y and short-tempered.

But it sucked not having any plans whatsoever after the papers. Lucky there're people around who are free to. So I ended up watching Deathnote with the clique. It was entertaining. And The Grudge 2 is a must watch!

And, I'm glad I have plans tmr! Movie marathon at Cherlyn's! Yappadoodles! And maybe catching The Guardian! Its all MOOOOVIES after promos. I've watched John Tucker Must Die, Hitch and watching Coyote Ugly tonight. Smart TV is LOVE!

But, I think that chick flicks are not advisable. They restrict our mindset by making us all think they way things are being shown. But I enjoy it anyhows!

Hoho.

its crazy how they can judge when they don't even know the story.

161006

One content paper down. 4 more to go?

Damn. The thought of retaining makes my stomach do somersaults. And, I haven't actually had the drive to intensively study. I've been doin some minor here and there thingy. I should really wake up and realise that I'm in the midst of promos and I should get cracking.

its like, a facade. when in reality, its different.

151006

I'm just screwed. Knowing that I can happily slack my afternoon away napping and reading mags. I SHOULD/MUST stop procrastinating. Urgh. And I feel so guilty for leaving.

i had a whale of a time chatting for 5 hours straight, of course with a few hung ups, talking on the phone with sweet potato pie. haha. i though about it and it was sure worth it, since we haven't been talking much in school since we are caught up with breaking fast at home and all the studying for promos. i'm afraid because of these, some friendships were affected, since i'm well aware that i havent been spending my time with my friends equally. not forgetting my beloved family who have left me all alone in singapore since they're at johor eatting out and collecting the hari raya clothes. hope mine will turn out fine considering the fact that i got the colour blue, which is totally not anywhere near my sister's. oh wells, i guess i'll eb the outcasted one this year. not helping with the family deco and all. but i have my exams to think about. hopefully they will understand, especially with the presence of my teacher sister around.

i've been thinking and i know this thing will keep on repeating itself. i should just continue on the ignoring of the mutual feeling thing since i think its been going on fine. especially since the teasing have got me all blushed up and on my nerves. i should and never must hang around the group anymore. cause i never wanna humiliate myself and give others the wrong impression. but please oh please don't make it any difficult for me. you know life's hard enough considering the fact that we will meet at least more that 4 days in a week. and the hours, oh don't remind me.

promos. i need luck people. i need them badly. i and just disappointed in mysel ffor not being disciplined enough to be doing things the way they should be done. early revisions and what nots. i am just dying. or dead.

131006

PROMOS.

And I'm dying after knowing the number or chapters I still have to run through. I don't/never want to retain. It'll only make my sister look bad. And of course me. Hopefully, I'll be transferred to another class or something. HOPEFULLY.

Urgh.

And friends?

091006

Its a wonder how friends you've just met, and haven't been in contact with can me you laugh your ass off. I am really greatful that I went to MI for 1st three months beacuse of these beautiful people. I'm blessed. I know.

School's been fine. I've tried my very best to stay back all alone and do my work. And the only problem is that I can't possibly eat all alone. So, after finishing up my maths, I straightaway went home to have dinner. I really should consider making friends with people who are actually stay back to study so the sense of lonliness wouldn't really affect me. But damn! I just can't do it.

But I'll try to make it work. Hopefully some kind souls will be happy enough, or kind enough to accompany me through the torture. But come to think about it, I really shouldn't worry too much since we're just weeks away from promos which means that this torture will only last me for a week. Lets try to get that bit of information in my head now. So I wouldn't be too dependent and all. I should really start doing things independently. I mean, I have to live alone when I'm old, looking at the way things are now.

I really should get out of my comfort zone shouldn't I? And be indifferent to what others might say about me. I shall give a try.

I'm getting crazier by the day. Giving myself motivational comments? Urgh.

i neeed bjs&dream

061006

So, issues start popping out from all these places. These kept me thinking. I mean, they are affecting me in way. Which sucks alot. And with the promos coming. I can't spend time thinking about these things. I mean you don't have the right to be angry with me over the fact that I'm just repeating the things that you do to me.

And, I'm glad that I'm working things out. Sleep till 10 really work wonders. I'm also glad that this works well enough till no one knows of its existence! Yeayness. I mean, I write what I feel, and what I feel might not always be pleasant to everyone. Thats why its better to keep it a secret.

I'm tired. I really am. If you find me a bit crazy for giving all the attitude. Do bear in mind that my life haven't been doing fine. Hiccups have too much to offer. I don't think I can handle it. I'm afraid I'll break down and cry..

041006

So, guys proved to be such jerks again. But I'm glad we are at the very least trying. The situation's not like before I notice. Cause this time, I just can't be bothered. You can hate for all I care cause, its just the way it is. And I wonder how I am going to survive the whole of next year. But oh wells, I take into consideration the effort you've put in. And, I am afraid I've fallen. Like oh-my-god.

And, you should be entertaining enough if you want to chat with me continuously. Okay. Maybe I shouldn't be very irritating and start answering all your long-winded questions. But you must understand the circumstances we're in.

And you. You caused me insanity once again. I think the whole school revolves around you. I think every girl in the school have liked you before. And every girl in the school have asked me about you. Okay okay, just mere exaggeration. But oh-wells, I can't take it okay. It's become a tremendous load on my shoulder. Cause these are my friends we are talking about who are being kept in the dark.

And, I somehow had fun today though there're certain awkward silence-s in between. But I had fun. And the problem with this is that I'm only able to experience it every once in a while since I can't so it very often. Shall stop socializing and get down to work.

031006

Sinful indulgence at roxy. I was of course guilt-striken since i spent nearly 30 bucks today. and my mom refuses to give me money. looks like i have to be home just on time for break fast. oh shit. i just can't study at home. and the presence of smart tv makes it worse. i'll just sit in front of the tv and watching some stupid shit. oh no.

and everyone around me seem to like this one particular guy. i'm in one oh-so deep shit. cause i know and they don't.

and what's all these signs? i just don't get what's your motive since i misjudge previously. i'm oh so dying la. i don't want to go through it all over again. its tortorous for me. and....

things are better left unsaid.